Impulse control:Exercise:reaping results of Impulse control

Finally, RELIEF
Feeling much better again,
Finally feel free in the mind
And now the positivity comes back
The positivity that i so cherish,
the positivity that i so exude comes back to me.

I am able to do a lot of stuff again,
sing, guitar,blog,interact.
All without the iron negative grip that was on my mind..
The bad influence,
The pain,
The imperceptible disrespect that i kept perceiving,
the feeling of having been wronged is gone...
I feel better..
I am glad I took this TIME OUT..
This time it is a real time out.. like, "shut down anything that reminds of that time" kinda TIMEOUT ..so,,good!!
LESSON? Stop continuing to give positivity to people who not only lap up all the precious positivity you give them but also pretend as if it is  nothing ;when they clearly know how valuable it is.Pretending that way, is a deliberate way to degrade someone else because ,you fear they will leave you ,if you show how valuable they are to you..
To me, for most part in my life, I know I am talented and a valued addition to anyone's life. I deliberate nurture positivity in myself and i deliberately dole it out to others. I believe that the world runs of positivity, that's why.
I will surround myself with people who have value for my positivity and will take the time to clearly and verbally appreciate.I hate people who say something different from what they actually think or want.I see that as a very dishonest and manipulative personality.
I clearly thank other people when they give me something valuable-be it time or friendship or care etc.I expect the same back from them.
I hate people who play games.I am a stright-forward person and I DON'T LIKE GAMES.I don't have time for petty, pathetic games in life.There is so much in life to achieve than to emotionally manipulate everyone around coz you are F*&&ed up in your head.Go sort things in your own head first..then come back to me..when you are a better person.
Such people are insecure and better off with other fellow insecure people and then they can both wallow in their combined insecurity.I just hope such couples don't produce any children while wallowing in the insecurity though, coz the children suffer.geez!
I feel so much better that my positivity has come back to me..I hope this lasts.

karma comes back and hits me on my head from time to time

First off, I stopped believing in god and zodiacs and destiny and karma and what not at one point of time. This agnostic bordering on atheist skeptical thought pattern has taught me to be more responsible in my actions and exercise more self control over myself and have more self regulation rather than expect the hand of destiny to guide me in the right path.
Anyways, inspite of this lack of belief in destiny, I sometimes fall into points in time where suddenly i realize or understand what another person must have gone through while having faced a similar situation .You see, while going through a predicament, I suddenly recall some point in the past where i must have ridiculed or questioned the credibility of someone else who prolly went through the same state of mind back then.
Like for example, a few days ago, when i suddenly realized that i have no possible control of who gets to read my public blogs and unless i make them private there is no effective way i can stop people from reading these blogs and wrongly interpreting them in ways I didn't intend to mean them even. And suddenly I was filled with this urge to just make my blog private or even better just delete this blog altogether and at this point I could suddenly understand why this person kinda deleted all of their blogs from the past two or three years , suddenly out of the blue. I was all kinda pissed with this person for catching me unawares and such.The blog that i took for granted was suddenly not there.At that point I just could not fathom that state of mind that could lead a person to do that. But now I do and this i call, karma coming back and hitting me on my head .

Imbibing Negativity

I write a lot of blogs. I write around ten different blogs on different websites.Each of them different dealign with different subjects.I do this coz i have something i have this desperate need to get out from my system about each subject .
One of my blog is highly political, One of them is personal ,One of them is cooking, One of them is prose and poetry, One of them is ecology, one of them just plain ramble that won't fit in any cetegory, and one of them is a phschology and social commentary blog.
so, yesterday night, when i went to sleep i suddenly realized at how much my own writing criticizing a thousand different things is allowing me to inadvertantly imbibe the negativity that i am criticizing.
Hmmmmm..I mean, I have noticed a great positive mood takeover when i have gone on a positive blog entry spree where i talk about me and my personal likes my family and such.
But as you might have noticed, I mostly use my blogs to vent my displeasure about all and sundry discrepancies in our society and in doing so, the exercise kinda drags me to a negativity that is difficult to percieve off hand and immediately but then weighs on me more after a series of such blog entries.
Hmmmmm..whatever.
No wonder a lot of people just write fluff blogs where they talk about what they ate or what they saw on tv.. Ya know, to be disconnected and to keep it all happy and clown like..LOL
Anyways. Sarcasm and honest criticism is as much a part of me as much as love and kindness is.I just need to equally show my kindness and happy side too on these blogs.

ignore and breathe !

My Mind suddenly went on an overdrive since yesterday.I have no idea why. but then it did.
I am NOT liking this overdrive situation though.It gets tough to remain collected and calm.
I just need to ignore everything that is not immediately connected to me and start breathing.
I need to stop taking everything seriously.
i need to stop paying attention to strangers.
i need to stop paying attention to anything unless it immediately is related to me.
i need to take a deep breath and stop bothering about others that i might ever never meet .
yeah?
I need to take care of myself more.
That is the goal here.
other people are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves and they probably do it too.
I on other hand forget my own welfare .
I need to pay attention to just myself at this point.
I need to ignore and breathe.
Just ignore and breathe

Christmas music-Happiness and stress

Written by Dr.A.R aka Le Cinq BlogCopyright 2008 Le Cinq Blog aka Dr.A.R All rights reserved.
First off, I am not a christian.I am agnostic.That point aside,i really really love holiday music and i like the holiday season too.

The songs just lift me up to happiness for some reason.I love love love the fruit cake...I seriously do .I like the colors and the lights too..I don't quite like the bickering over gifts and the stress people go through to buy gifts that others won't hold them against at a later point of time.I hardly give gifts to other people at this time.Thinking of which, I think that when i start my own practice(which i really hope i do ), i might have to give some gifts to all of my assistants at the clinic...I am not sure what i can give them without sounding too pal like and yet not appear too careless...I am gonna give them a large fruit cake each...Ideal, non committal gift and maybe a good bonus to go with the fruit cake with seal the deal.

Btw, coming back to christmas music,I think i like it primarily because it coincides with the newyear and during my childhood, this time around, the 'mom and pop' grocery stores would put out extra shelves full of paper stars and tons and tons of greeting cards--I used to love browsing all the cards and admiring the pictures..I would have to say that i had an eye for good photography back then too.Meanwhile, my mom suddenly also decided that i would be her personal shopper as far as greeting cards are concerned..She has almost more than half a dozen siblings and most of them were married and spread out in different cities...so, that meant,i had to go shop for 7 families,their own personalized flowered greeting cards(that was what my mother wanted to be on all the greeting cards) and then she also kinda made me her personal secretary too...perhaps she thought i wrote better verses...Yeah,,,i was all of 11 yrs old and i shopped for greeting cards and colored scented envelopes and then i used to write them out and then wrote the addresses too and then stick the stamps and then post them too...I used to enjoy that job back then coz that gave me an official reason to browse and browse at each of those shops -which btw were around 7-8 of them all on one street one after another (wonder how they all made business) and i used to hop on and hop off at each store and then finally decide what to buy and then go for another round of hopping on and hopping off and this time around i would buy them.

I digress so much, If i ever wrote a Novel, it would be far too long ..seriously !

so yeah, that is perhaps why the music associated with that time of the year really imprinted in my head as happy music..I did that shopping for cards and such for four straight years till finally, I don't remember what happened but i stopped doing that.

Also, we used to have this devout christian teacher at school, who used to make special efforts to stage a theatrical presentation each Christmas..My sister was invariably in that theater presentation and also in the choir that accompanied the theatrical presentation( i never auditioned , and on retrospect i seriously wish i had auditioned for the choir if not for the theatrical presentation) ..so yeah..this theatrical presentation would then be followed by distribution of trinket gifts to everyone..that perhaps added to the happy association factor too
Meanwhile, weeks prior to the actual presentation, each evening, my sister would come home and practice the songs and i learned them just by overhearing her practice..so well..that is perhaps why i associate happiness with that time of the year and that music..
So, all these years since the age of 11 till 28...christmas music meant sudden happiness no matter what circumstances i am actually surrounded by at that time..but last christmas..i went through immense stress..absolute immense stress which i could have avoided had i been more focused and more careful and well..i spent the whole of pre and post christmas under immense stress and now all that happy association with holiday music has disappeared into thin air..Nothing is left of it ...see, how there is overlay of memories? and now , each time i play holiday music, my stomach starts to churn..and it is all stress now..awwww.what a loss !
Written by Dr.A.R aka Le Cinq BlogCopyright 2008 Le Cinq Blog aka Dr.A.R All rights reserved.No part of my blog is to be copypasted or reproduced in any form original or plagiarized on any other site or outside of the internet with my prior written permission.You can link to my blog only after permission.Under no condition are you allowed to post any part of my work including a sampling .You can only post a link and that too only after my permission and that is as much as you get .If you still lack integrity or self respect and post slightly modified forms of my blog entries, I shall come after you and haunt you -cough cough -hunt you down !

An incomplete life

BlogCopyright 2008 Le Cinq Blog aka Dr.A.R All rights reserved
The definition of an incomplete life !
hmmmm..Sometimes i just look at other people and say to myself,"Boy ! what an incomplete life.To me i view them as having missed out on this and that..on having missed out on a college education and on missing out moment of pride career wise and what not"
And then suddenly the other day I sat there and mused that perhaps some other people view my life as incomplete when they consider things that they have done in life and have learned from them in some strange way and i have not..
That is when it dawned on me and these thoughts crossed my mind, much as many other spectacular sentences come across to me esp at moments when i am far too lazy to jot them down.So this time around, the lazy ass me just got up and grabbed a notebook and jotted down my idea of an incomplete life.
EVERY LIFE IS INCOMPLETE IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER.IF AT ALL I HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN TWO DIFFERENT TYPES OF COMPLETENESS, I WOULD RATHER CHOOSE A SPECTACULAR INCOMPLETENESS THAN A VERY ORDINARY COMMON TYPE OF INCOMPLETENESS.
HMMMM
Written by Dr.A.R aka Le Cinq BlogCopyright 2008 Le Cinq Blog aka Dr.A.R All rights reserved.No part of my blog is to be copypasted or reproduced in any form original or plagiarized on any other site or outside of the internet with my prior written permission.You can link to my blog only after permission.Under no condition are you allowed to post any part of my work including a sampling .You can only post a link and that too only after my permission and that is as much as you get .If you still lack integrity or self respect and post slightly modified forms of my blog entries, I shall come after you and haunt you -cough cough -hunt you down !

Knowing when to walk away !

I guess it is a very smart thing to walk away at the right time and avoid the damage.Avoid damage to one's own soul so that one is not left seething in anger that one didn't need to subject oneself to such a mess.
Hmmmm
Many of us don't walk away at the right time primarily coz we are wridden by an ego that doesn't allow us to accept with a certain amount of humiliation that we were wrong, we were wrong to choose to get into the situation in the first place.We just want to pretend it is all right and get deeper and deeper into the mess out of sheer cockyness.hmmmm
Knowing the right moment to walk away and say with all humiliation "pooh, that was a close call" is the smartest thing to do.
But yeah, sometimes we also don't get out,because we are so distraught that we did a mistake in the first place, we sit there and squalour and squalour some more in that slushy quicksand of a mess, we only sink further. We are so transfixed in the ugliness of someone else , in their pettiness and you can't believe it that you fell for such a fraud, that you sit there and sink somewhere.
Either ways, there is no time to sit and squalour or wilt or glow like an amber in anger.The moment you sense that this is not you signed up for, forget the ego, forget the shock factor, forget the honor, forget the image, just run..run for you life.That is the only way you can save your soul.
Otherwise it ends up tarnished and sad and tired...hmmmmm,,
Written by Dr.A.R aka Le Cinq BlogCopyright 2008 Le Cinq Blog aka Dr.A.R All rights reserved.No part of my blog is to be copypasted or reproduced in any form original or plagiarized on any other site or outside of the internet with my prior written permission.You can link to my blog only after permission.Under no condition are you allowed to post any part of my work including a sampling .You can only post a link and that too only after my permission and that is as much as you get .If you still lack integrity or self respect and post slightly modified forms of my blog entries, I shall come after you and haunt you -cough cough -hunt you down !