Ya know..I had a moment of clarity, a moment of deep realization of what i really wanted out of love and whom i perhaps might be really really happy with as a life partner.
There are times when in your superficial conscious thought process, you have very romantic ideas about what kind of a person would make you happy.some of these ideas may not really work for you coz your superficial conscience might not be really aware of what your inner conscience really really wants.
That day in january, that is exactly what i found out about myself..
I used to think that a really smart guy who is witty and talented would just be able to make me happy. I would not necessarily need a doctor to tickle my senses though given the fact that i am doctor myself, choosing a fellow doctor would be the wiser choice.
There is always this thought process that 'once a doctor , always a doctor' and a doctor would be most happy with a fellow doctor.I as a revolutionary in all possible areas in life, wanted to disprove that theory.As in , I thought that if i can convince myself of the POTENTIAL SMARTNESS of a potential suitor and be sure that he could become a doctor had he applied to med school., ie that he has the smartness in him to do so though he perhaps has ended up in another profession. Ya know, all tha tmatters is he is smart .
So yeah.I had this tall lanky really smart musician in mind.>He is really smart.Is he smart enough to survive med school had he chosen to enter med school?I have no idea.But, I thought that that he would have managed to do so had he chosen it.I thought that since he is smart enough to hold a conversation , say and write complicated things that were similarly complicated to what i thought and said and wrote..I thought, "hey, what the heck, He will be right for me..I will feel as intellectually stimulated with him if at all i decide to go after him(not that i wanted to or was planning to go after him, It was all just a projected speculation) .. I don't really need to discuss specific surgical procedures with my life partner each night when i am back from work to feel the connection.But, looks like, I do indeed want exactly that.I want someone who actually understand the exact spectucularness(yeah, i made that word up) of my miniscule skills in surgery.unless the guy is a surgeon himself , he won't be able the understand the splendor of my skills, will he? Just like , unless i am a fairly accomplished guitar player myself, i won't be able to exactly understand how good he is at guitar.It is like this..He might vaguely understand that i am hell of a great doctor and surgeon and I might vaguely understand that he is a hell of a musician..But will that satisfy each other ?Or would each of us need a fellow of our own field to understand the full detail of our respective skills? it gets frustrating when your partner is only blindly in awe of your talents.It almost feels like thier admiration is insincere ...afterall,, he is not going to know the exact sutures or anything to be able to be a good judge of whether i am indeed a great surgeon or not..The same way, I am not going to know the exact nuances of guitar playing to be able to judge and then certify in all sincerity if all at all he is the greatest guitarist of all time..Yeah? Well ! That is what i am getting at.
NOw, then in january, after a long time, i got an opportunity to interact with an 'all doctors group.', all sitting and discussing stuff and we all , many of us women, some of them men , but all doctors, happenned to discuss marriage and last names and first names and all that jazz...ya know what, we were not even discussing medicine, but that one day of just being with fellow docs gave me such undescribable joy , much more than all the interaction that i had been having the past month prior to that , discussing the complicated ideas that this musician was putting forth-(though in my mind i had at that time of discussing those complicated mind ideas , had myself thought that any discussion with any doc will not be able to match this interaction i was having with this musician.Also that was what the mind of mine told me then)...Now, just in one day,, i knew where my real happiness lay..I mean..I myself didnt know that i was also a slave of familiar circles..or was it the prestige of the 'elite doctor tag'.."WE, the intelligent docs" that kinda thing...Maybe i am wridden by this 'super ego doc complex' too..And maybe nothing less than a doctor will do for me ... Anyways, this interaction with other docs, amidst prolonged interactions with this interesting smart musician, provided me an immediate contrasting comparison ... allowed me to reach to a personal revelation.I do have a comfort zone ..Hmmmm.(i have no idea where this blog entry is going..I am just rambling like crazy..LOL)
So, yeah..Any handsome vegan doc,,young and tall , with a great six pack abdomen,who perhaps is into nature and never married, who is reading this and is also looking..Please do comment or write to me.LOL
The musician...You have to argue your case buddy..or maybe you need to stary applying to med schools..LOL
