yada yada yada-blah blah blah AN UNREQUITED ELEMENT TO IT ALL

okay, so, well, I know I am raking up all my old wounds by attempting to write this mail, but, i have to do it.
After may 2010,we never really got an oppurtunity to INTERACT one on one, for long hours like we used to do in 2009.
2009,looks like eons ago and suddenly, I am in my thirties? and you are in your forties? gee

anyways,THERE IS AN UNREQUITED ELEMENT TO IT ALL.

I have no idea what you have told your wife about me or what you have told your twitter and facebook friends about me .I am sure you FREELY and guiltlessly used the word STALKER...(just to save your ass too,,,hmmm..sigh..people do that you know..say anything just to save
their ass)

So,yeah,anyways,irrespective of what you told anyone else,YOU of all people,KNOW,what happened between us back then...NO ONE ELSE NEEDS TO KNOW..but you know..right?

you know ,what you felt for me or feel for me, and you know why you did what.. yeah?

Even, I DON'T KNOW why and for what you did and said certain things.

Even, I DON'T KNOW if anything you told me in those emotionally mushy letters,some written to me at the end of drunken nights and some written in moments of utter honesty...WERE TRUE or not...

Maybe  those UTTERLY EMOTIONAL THINGS TO ME were written for the effect..because ,some porn website or askmen website tells you that THAT IS HOW YOU WORK UP A WOMAN to get her p**sy..(this is your vocabulary and your italians friends' vocabulary,not mine,just quoting,is all)

SO,YEAH,I DON'T KNOW WHAT WAS TRUE..

I know what I FELT,,I know what i wrote and when i wrote things to you and POSSIBLY have a vague idea as to why i felt the things i felt for you or still feel for you.

but,I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU FELT or feel. so....yeah,ONLY YOU KNOW..no one else.

From my point of view.
THIS IS WHAT I THINK I MEAN TO YOU.

I have had the biggest impact on you ,on your psyche,on the way you think or do things...
I KNOW THAT FOR SURE...FOR SURE..

ONLY,it just saddens me that WHEN A PERSON IMPACTS YOU THAT MUCH ,how come you throw them under the bus at the slightest assumption that she might out your connection with her and ruin a MEANINGLESS BUT TANGIBLE RELATIONSHIP that you had or still have with homever you are with now.

yeah?

IT BREAKS MY HEART, that i went out of my way to INTERACT WITH You AND quoting YOU from what you wrote in your letters to me, 'CHANGED you in so many ways" ,and after me going out of my way to heal and help you,YOU TURNED AROUND AND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE OF MY KINDNESS,just cause ,IN YOUR PARANOIA,you suspected that i was out to destroy your TANGILE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LADY YOU WERE ENGAGED TO OR LIVING WITH OR MARRIED TO ALREADY(WHICH I DIDN'T KNOW BTW)...

It saddens me ,THAT WHEN A GUY does that to me AND YEARS DOWN THE LINE,when I SEE AN ESSENSE OF ME in his life choices,and when i see an essense of my thoughts and my spirit and my ideas and my way of doing things, IN HIM,in his current life,I KNOW HOW MUCH I MEAN IN HIS HEAD,even to this day.

AND yet,sadly,YOU HAVE TO KEEP UP WITH THE LIES YOU TOLD EVERYONE ABOUT ME..yeah?

sadly,the one woman ,that impacted your life in many ways,IS SOMEONE,you can't even interact with on a regular basis because of that..yeah?

So many questions,suddenly come tumbling out of the pandora's box of pain that I HID AND BURIED...i open it just to take a peek and a world of pain suddenly grips..

THE PAIN just won't go away..
WHICH IS WHY,
we need to talk.
HUGS.
A
(talk to you soon..let us do this slowly,tiny baby steps,one Q by one Q)

tAGS:mr_green, love, love_triangle, lust, romance, HATE, pain, memories, SADNESS, unrequited,

I am going to stand back and watch-no place for doled out kindness in love !

It is just not warranted for me to get desperate in trying to not allow someone else to make the same kind of mistakes i once did.
It baffles me how the life incidences in this person's life are happenning in the exact sequence and exact manner that i experienced when I was 21.I wonder what happenned to him when he was 21..Well, I am 29 and hopefully wiser for long.
He is 30 , and now , And now,,he goes through the same damn things i went through, does the same things the same way i did , and this includes mistakes as well as the rights...We are doing the same right things and the same wrong things..And this sucks ..LOL
Now..At this juncture..what must i do?
I did tell him at the outset that i didn't want him to do what i did, which i suspected he would end up doing coz i thought or perhaps still think he is like me.
Now he is at the next exact juncture like i was so many years ago., and instead of walking away after having made the right decision, I went back out of kindness.The kindness ,which on retrospect ,was not needed, given the fact that the recepient of this kindness saw my coming back to them as some kind of limitation of mine, something that i personally had out of it.They perhaps thought, come on, She never came back she was just too kind , She just came back coz she had something that she got out it.
I think worthless losers tell that to themselves.They tell themselves all things of denial which makes their lives a lil bit more bearable to them.
Anways !
You see, people who are down and out there ,are so completely messed up, due to repeated disrespect, that they start suspecting anyone who might offer them kindness for nothing back.
Since then i have learned that ,no matter how much of an urge I might have to just dole out kindness and expect nothing in return, it still matters how the receipient of that kindness views it.If this unconditional kindness is viewed as some kind of major obligation i had coz of which i acted kind, It is like a slap in the face.Ya know.You feel it was better had i let it all go and never had shown any kindness.
Anyways..I feel , He is going to do the same stupid mistake i did way back.Go and call back someone who never worked out in the first place..All just out of kindness.Seriously..Not worth it..Not worth it.
I realized that there is no place for kindness in real love.Real love is sharing .Not kindness.
hmmm
So yeah.I am tired of trying real hard to prevent others from making the same mistake as me.I just have to let him make that mistake if he has to..but, it saddens me that it will be filled with regret if he does do that mistake.
Gosh..what a predicament..
So, for now, all i can do is stand back and watch.
No more frantic latters saying how much he must think before making a move and never make decisions in romance out of pure kindness..Kindness figures in charity, not in love.Kindness with no love makes the romance equation senseless and meaningless and tasteless too..
If you are reading this, sweetie, don't do it.Let it go..let it go...Something better is on the way.Trust me..It is !...Just let this go .It isn't right for you now, it never will grow into anything right or better over time.It just will be the same old incompatible thing even if there is tons of kindness involved.Trust me .

The lakehouse?Logical ending?Time as a continuum

I used to have a blog elsewhere...I used to do some elaborate movie and music reviews there..and just like that ..One day..I left from there
I seem to not want to do the movie reviews anymore..Watched lakehouse...kinda pleasant to watch...that is all there is..My movie review...the last scene just doesn't make sense though...how can someone that died come back to like two years later?
I mean...she waited for him at a restuarant , right?in 2006..she waited for him at the restaurant.he never came coz by then he was already dead..that thing already happenned...yeah? so....how come again in 2008..she waits at the box while it is stilll 2006 for him and prevents him from getting run over the by the bus...well..either the incidents in his 2006 didn't happen or the incidents in her 2006 didn't happen..both of them couldn't have happenned....Time was their thread of continuum , wasn't it?
either ways it is better than a movie solely based on a cheerleadin competition..the teenage cheerleading movies..i just don't get them though... just an attempt to feed a semi pedophilic fetish or what?
Come on..there are a lot of things that teenagers have to deal with in their lives besides just a cheerleading competition...let us talk about college admissions, sibling rivalry, sexual abuse,teenage pregnancy and if at all they want to talk about competition..how about the local science fair or someone wanting to enter med school...come on..cut me some break..They make it look as if all women out there are stupid teenagers who think that winning a cheerleading competition is the ultimate thing they will ever achieve