The next time our phone call will happen is when

you will get to talk to me on the phone if you have the decency to


give me your personal number..THAT IS WHEN WE GET TO TALK..i am a kind

talented doctor..I AM SURE I DESERVE THAT MUCH OF RESPECT..

I sure don't deserve to be insulted by SHITTY CAUTIOUS FLEETING CALLS

FROM CONFERENCE HALLS OF SOME OFFICE..

I am not used to being treated like this..SORRY.





Think about what all I said so far via 1000 of emails.I say them so

that you get what I am all about

Learn to respect me..

Respect is not just empty words..I

IT IS CONSIDERATION FOR ME AND MY TIME,

BEING THERE EMOTIONALLY FOR ME(at all times),

RESPECTING ME IN YOUR ACTIONS not just words

TRUSTING ME ENOUGH TO NOT WANT TO BE CAUTIOUS OR PLAY MIND GAMES.

cheers.

A

you are too much to deal with emotionally

you are too twisted, too cautious, too messed up, too damaged, too


self oriented for me to deal with emotionally.YOU RUINED ME..you will

ruin me all over again , over and over ..if I let you..AND THEN YOU

WONT EVEN BLINK WHEN YOU DO THAT..you are a stone-heart that way.

baby don't go?

Baby don't go?


just not yet..

Don't leave me here

and just go

Don't go

don't go

kiss.

don't go yet?

not just yet

I want to contain myself,

I want to hold myself together,

i want to be prepared,

Then i can let you go

So,

Please don't go,

not just yet,

just not yet.

Hold me, touch me and kiss me

Can you hold me?


and touch me ?

and kiss me? and not let me go?

Please,,

I need to be in your arms..

just me and you

and no one around...

and our fervent breathing..

our finger tips feeling each other's back,

the contours,

the eagernes,

the warmth,

The look of need in our eyes,

the safety ,

I want to hold you ,

and heal you with just embrace,

My warm heaving bosom,

i want to hold your face against me,

and let you heal.

Doze off , with my head on your shoulder

Tight long long long hug.Please hold me and shield me from the


disappointments of the world..

on some days, all i want to do is>>let you hold me and then go off to

sleep in your arms..HOS..nice shoulders you have ...

quoting your own words which btw..i totally loved "that place between

the breast and the shoulder...IDEAL FOR SLEEPING ON."

kiss.HOS..zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...gonna go sleep like a baby...while

imagining that you are right here beside me.holding me.

leisurely fuck, leisurely sweet talk

okay..remember that i am xyz hrs behind you..


no privacy to talk on phone on most days..people keep overhearing

..so, prefer emails for most part:((( ..emails are like loveletters i

can read and re-read each time i miss you..

sunday it is then..leave me a nice time for sunday and let is last for

three or two hours..that way..i don't feel like i have to hurry up the

conversation..k? I want a leisurely fuck and leisurely sweet

talk..kiss.miss you so much all the time..no amount of time seems

enough :(

Immense deep deep attraction

why are you the way you are?
you attract me immensely on a deep deep level..to the point of wanting to let you go off to sleep while you are so still inside of me.
I HAVE NEVER WANTED THAT with anyone else..so far.

indisposed in sterile gloves?

You can call me anytime..
but If I am indisposed,
as in STERILE GLOVES during surgery(assistant picks up),
 on outdoor worksite,
in a board meeting,
traveling where phone doesn't have coverage..
THEN it automatically might go to voice mail or might be switched off.

In such a case, don't get pissed off with me thinking i don't want to talk to you..
COZ,I ALWAYS WANT TO TALK TO YOU..K?
kiss..kiss hug

Your shoulders work for me

At this point i am


weak

angry

sad

lost

depressed

i feel like i am letting my depression and anxiety run my life
 and
i feel like i have lost out on time..
i wasted three years here when i could have moved out of this ghetto hellhole of an apartment long ago..
I HATE  MY LANDLORD..
i hate the neighborhood,
i hate the locals..
i hate their attitude.
i hate this country.
.i hate it..
and
this hate causes me to be segregated fromn the locals.
.i hate interacting with them..
and thus
i spend enormous amount of energy avoiding to talk to them.
and yet.
.the fact that i plan so much on how to avoid talking to my neighbors or landlord..I WASTE TIME..i get even more depressed..

I HATE IT ALL

i need a shoulder i can lay my head on and feel strong..AND THAT SHOULDER IS YOURS..COZ YOUR WORDS WORK..you work for  me.
so,I WANT YOU TO BE THERE FOR ME.
i would so love to talk for five minutes over email each day where YOU CAN FILL ME UP WITH COURAGE AND I CAN FILL YOU UP WITH COURAGE..
coz,i know..how MY WORDS WORK FOR YOU TOO..
we are like lock and key on some level.
which is great..
KISS ME..HOLD ME..TELL ME YOU ARE THERE FOR ME.
i am going through an extreme crisis here..

CREATION-Movie review

There was a time when people would eageraly wait for my elaborately written movie reviews with my meticulously explained story line,
my spin off interpretations there of,
my review of the lighting and cinematography,
dialogue,
subject matter of the movie per say, and what not.

I would also include transcripts that I would instinctively jot down while watching the movie
People would often wait for my reviews coz it made them see the movie in a new light.
sigh
that was way back in 2005

Time has moved on ..
I have not stopped watching movies.I am watching movies with as much frequency as before..Only,,at one point, I figured that my personal reviews were getting stolen by lazy reviewers who really had no talent to write about a movie like I did..

My blogs have always  been ad free  because I really wanted to focus on my ideas and fretting about ADS  and AD revenue really doesn't help your writing ideas with all honesty!
 these plagiarists were stealing my stuff and posting it on their websites and earned money out of it.
I am like,I am the SMART ONE WITH THE WRITING TALENT..and I am sure I WOULD MAKE MONEY out of my writing if i wished.
when i choose not to make money out of my own talent,WHY ARE YOU BEING THE PIMP trying to use my talent to make money for yourself without my permission?

Ever since this disappointing development, I had stopped writing reviews and soon the lagiarists went off  in search of some other original writers to steal from..
Atleast ,I dont' feel robbed of the credit these days,when I DON'T PUT OUT CREATIVE cONTENT for pimps to steal and hijack.

But then,this movie SERIOUSLY NEEDED SOMEONE TO POST A REVIEW ABOUT IT.

So yeah..This movie..I saw it yesterday for the first time..
I caught only the last half of the movie.There are only two halves,I know I know..the first half and the last half..LOL.(HUMOR!)
I then managed to watch the whole movie in retelecast today..


 CREATION  is a BBC films production..and it is about CHARLES DARWIN.

If You don't know who charles darwin is..hmmm...Well,,,he is the guy that proposed the theory that all species evolved from some basic primitive animals...SMART MAN THIS MAN

Apparently,The Uk govt has him on the back of their 10 pound bill , along with the ship H.S.Beagle ,THE SHIP that he went on a voyage of 5 years on...and during that voyage he wrote the book, ORIGIN OF SPECIES.

In today's day and age, when all of us automatically understand about evolution and don't actually believe that God created all species in a week ( Maybe some bible thumpers still believe this) --but mostly, all of us understand about biology today, much more than they all did in 1830s or earlier!!

So,at that point of time in the 1830s,to spend a lifetime studying phenomenon after phenomenon and making highly original  observations which finally shattered the myth of ORIGIN OF SPECIES..is the greatest achievement of all ,in my opinion!That is what SCIENTISTS DO..they spend lifetimes inventing and discovering things,making humanity more enlightened with the power of knowledge!

let us get back to this movie though.

THE MOVIE IS DEPRESSING ON SOME LEVEL..coz the whole movie chose to focus more on how Charles missed his daughter Anne a lot ,after she died at the age of ten and how he suffered from this vague "illness" himself .
I would have appreciated more had they chosen to go into MORE DETAIL of all his scientific work rather than focusing so much on Anne and such.

seriously,the movie and its focus on anne and his water bath treatment kinda tired off my mind.

But then again,the movie piqued my interest to go LOOK UP charles darwin on the net,so maybe,it did serve it's purpose
After watching the movie,I went and looked up Charles darwin on Wikipedia and WAS MPRESSED ALL OVER again BY HIS AMAZINGLY VAST BODY OF WORK..
no seriously..vast vast vast and very very impressive.
I am a doctor and a science lover and SCIENCE and scientific journals totally buzz up my mind in happy inspiration!

during my premed...We had a whole chapter in Zoology -biology about Charles Darwin and Babbage and wallace and all the others whose names figured in the movie and it thrilled me with childish glee as I watched the movie and heard those names and recalled suddenly my PREMED years where i read about all of them...

awww.

So yeah..movie?watchable...makes you develop a scientific temper and again also , if you are one of those smart original scientific thinkers who has to  live amongst minions who are most busy calling SMART AND ORIGINAL INDIVIDUALS, weird coz you are not "NORMAL"..,this movie will make you feel better ABOUT THAT PREDICAMENT of living amongst minions!

When you watch this movie and other such movies,you can gain some solace.

watching movies based on Darwin or Leonardo Da vinci or plato or for that matter anyone else from the past who has ever managed to do anything important in science or art allows you to understand that  they were all branded as  "weirdos" of their times being punished by the "normal" minions around them..

So yeah..just when I was lamenting at the new loudmouthed dumb woman who has moved into our apartment building and  just when for one moment I dreaded that It might be very difficult for me If i have  to interact with dumb shit lady on a daily basis.,I HAPPENED to watch this movie and then I felt  less alone and less sad!

Smart peeps are always going to be the "weirdos" of their time..and after they die...still 150 years later..MOVIES ARE MADE ON THEM..

So,dear fellow smart "weirdos",we the smart people will have the last laugh..

I AM GLAD NOT TO "COMFORM"...coz i am too smart to be able to "conform"..
so,after I watched this movie,I literally truly understand how he must have felt in a world full of dumb idiots.

A Single Tear

A single tear,
It streamed down my left cheek,
I tried hard not to produce any more,
that single tear just streamed down
and stopped midway
on the cheek,
It stayed there and dried up in a little bit.
A single tear,
the streamed down,
just as I hit "SEND"
Just a single little tear

your hugs are my comfort zone

Just wanted to give you a long long long hug..


YOUR HUGS are my comfort zone.

long long long hug..no words..just hug..and some more hug..like a long

long long hour long silent hug..kiss.

feels so comforting.kiss.take care :))

catch 22

I try to push you away
and the moment i do that..
i go into panic mode..
catch 22 situation for me.
I need to be held.
it is a pity.
i have no one to hold me .
.that is all I want..
to just be held
and told that everything is going to be alright