88 poems

Do you realize that i wrote 88 poems about you?When I tried sending
you links to all the poems about you,,I SUDDENLY realized at how many
LOT there were..
way back then, while I WAS A FREE BIRD twittering away about mr.u, i
THINK, you coveted that..that thing i had for him where i WOULD TWEET
ON AND blog on about HIM..
you wanted that for yourself.SOMEONE...who would WRITE constantly about you...
YOU COVETED that, you seduced me with your flirty words AND YOU GOT ME
TOO.. 88 poems...hmmmmmm
HAPPY NOW?
jealousy can make you do stupid things and covet things even if you
REALLY DON'T NEED THEM..
after all,CAN I COMPETE WITH THE LOVE YOU HAVE FOR HIM?you hang around
like a dog ON HIS FACEBOOK..like a dog

WHICH TELLS me,,how much of ARDENT,DEVOTED,DOGGED LOVE YOU ARE CAPABLE OF
and then it makes me jealous, THAT , I am NOT the target of your dogged love...
HE IS..and he always will be till as long as you live
CAN'T COMPETE WITH HIM COZ I WILL NEVER WIN.
And that makes me sad,coz you seduced me with your words,knowing
CLEARLY WELL, that the only person YOU REALLY REALLY CARE ABOUT IS
HIM.

Tags:sadness,gay_men,mr.green,Mr.blue,devotion,unrequited,sad

THE KISS OF POISON

This Blog article is creative property of Dr.A.R aka LecinQblog.This blog article originally was written for and is meant to appear on any one of the blogs in this list

http://www.blogger.com/profile/15524952530919224387 .If you find this blog article anywhere other than on BLOGSPOT,please visit my original blog,find my email address and email me with details of where else you read this blog entry.All my blogs are AD-free blogs AND I completely frown upon someone else trying to make money off my blogs without my prior written permission.

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THE KISS OF POISON

I knew you were the kiss of poison,

I knew you were the kiss of poison,

the kiss of poison,

the kiss,

the kiss,

the kiss!

I knew you were the kiss of poison,

but I wanted you anyways,

lonely streets are hard to tread,

so i wanted you anyways,

I knew you would leave me one day,

but i kissed you anyways.

I knew you were the kiss of poison,

but i kissed you anyways,

i kissed you anyways,

i kissed you!

i kissed you!

i kissed you!

I kissed you!

I knew you were the kiss of poison,

But i loved you anyways,

I knew you were the kiss of poison,

but i kissed you always,

Everytime ,

everytime,

everytime you asked me for a kiss,

I kissed you anyways.

A thousand little ballads i wrote,

of our kisses anyways,

I knew you were the kiss of poison,

but i kissed you anyways,

kiss,

kiss,

softly,

kiss!

I knew you were the kiss of poison,

but i did it anyways,

I knew you were a passing ship,

but i kissed you anyways,

I kissed you anyways!

I knew,

I KNEW,

that i would shed tears one day,

but i kissed you anyways,

I knew you were the kiss of poison,

but i kissed you anyways,

anyways,

anyways,

anyways,

anyways!

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POET'S note about her poem THE KISS OF POISON.

unlike my usual poems on this blog,this is more like a ballad and a SECOND DRAFT.I had to slightly modify the poem to fit into SONG MODE.Actually,I wrote the first stanza of the poem and suddenly A TUNE came into my head that would fit perfectly with the words,so,i quickly,sang out the tune,recorded it and then,wrote the rest of the poem to fit the tune.This is how songwriters probably write their songs,,keeping a tune in mind,or modifying words and thoughts in a poem to FIT INTO A TUNE...

personally,I find that trying to fit into a tune,RUINS the honesty of emotions and thoughts in a poem.there is an element of compromise associated with trying to fit poems into tunes..

Anyways,this poem is one such COMPROMISE POEM..:))...

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TAGS: #mr_green,#love,#lust,#gay_abandon, #sensuality, #fleeting_love,#kiss,#stolen_kisses,#temporary_love

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Most poems posted on this blog are typed out directly into the compose box and posted immediately.Most poems are FIRST DRAFTS and are written over minutes ,with no paper/mind- edits.Most poems are spontaneous and real.I pride myself at being able to write poems at the drop of a hat , on the spot and in a jiffy.Writing honest poems without editing them helps me to purge my feelings and emotions even more than writing prose.

If you like reading my poems,please,do email me telling me about it.If you are a book publisher, and would like to publish my poems,please email me with a valid official phone number and a feasible book proposal .Thanks!

Thinking of me each night and day

poem copyright LECINQBLOG aka Dr.A.R
And you with those lucid grey eyes,
busy as ever,
are thinking of me each night and each day,
the youngin,
you once truly loved,
whom you still love,
and obsess over,
each day,
and include me now,
in your life,
by only the way of thoughts,
thoughts of me everyday.
Tags:mr_green,love, lust, green_eyes,puppy_dog_eyes,missing_you, unrequited,

yada yada yada-blah blah blah AN UNREQUITED ELEMENT TO IT ALL

okay, so, well, I know I am raking up all my old wounds by attempting to write this mail, but, i have to do it.
After may 2010,we never really got an oppurtunity to INTERACT one on one, for long hours like we used to do in 2009.
2009,looks like eons ago and suddenly, I am in my thirties? and you are in your forties? gee

anyways,THERE IS AN UNREQUITED ELEMENT TO IT ALL.

I have no idea what you have told your wife about me or what you have told your twitter and facebook friends about me .I am sure you FREELY and guiltlessly used the word STALKER...(just to save your ass too,,,hmmm..sigh..people do that you know..say anything just to save
their ass)

So,yeah,anyways,irrespective of what you told anyone else,YOU of all people,KNOW,what happened between us back then...NO ONE ELSE NEEDS TO KNOW..but you know..right?

you know ,what you felt for me or feel for me, and you know why you did what.. yeah?

Even, I DON'T KNOW why and for what you did and said certain things.

Even, I DON'T KNOW if anything you told me in those emotionally mushy letters,some written to me at the end of drunken nights and some written in moments of utter honesty...WERE TRUE or not...

Maybe  those UTTERLY EMOTIONAL THINGS TO ME were written for the effect..because ,some porn website or askmen website tells you that THAT IS HOW YOU WORK UP A WOMAN to get her p**sy..(this is your vocabulary and your italians friends' vocabulary,not mine,just quoting,is all)

SO,YEAH,I DON'T KNOW WHAT WAS TRUE..

I know what I FELT,,I know what i wrote and when i wrote things to you and POSSIBLY have a vague idea as to why i felt the things i felt for you or still feel for you.

but,I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU FELT or feel. so....yeah,ONLY YOU KNOW..no one else.

From my point of view.
THIS IS WHAT I THINK I MEAN TO YOU.

I have had the biggest impact on you ,on your psyche,on the way you think or do things...
I KNOW THAT FOR SURE...FOR SURE..

ONLY,it just saddens me that WHEN A PERSON IMPACTS YOU THAT MUCH ,how come you throw them under the bus at the slightest assumption that she might out your connection with her and ruin a MEANINGLESS BUT TANGIBLE RELATIONSHIP that you had or still have with homever you are with now.

yeah?

IT BREAKS MY HEART, that i went out of my way to INTERACT WITH You AND quoting YOU from what you wrote in your letters to me, 'CHANGED you in so many ways" ,and after me going out of my way to heal and help you,YOU TURNED AROUND AND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE OF MY KINDNESS,just cause ,IN YOUR PARANOIA,you suspected that i was out to destroy your TANGILE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LADY YOU WERE ENGAGED TO OR LIVING WITH OR MARRIED TO ALREADY(WHICH I DIDN'T KNOW BTW)...

It saddens me ,THAT WHEN A GUY does that to me AND YEARS DOWN THE LINE,when I SEE AN ESSENSE OF ME in his life choices,and when i see an essense of my thoughts and my spirit and my ideas and my way of doing things, IN HIM,in his current life,I KNOW HOW MUCH I MEAN IN HIS HEAD,even to this day.

AND yet,sadly,YOU HAVE TO KEEP UP WITH THE LIES YOU TOLD EVERYONE ABOUT ME..yeah?

sadly,the one woman ,that impacted your life in many ways,IS SOMEONE,you can't even interact with on a regular basis because of that..yeah?

So many questions,suddenly come tumbling out of the pandora's box of pain that I HID AND BURIED...i open it just to take a peek and a world of pain suddenly grips..

THE PAIN just won't go away..
WHICH IS WHY,
we need to talk.
HUGS.
A
(talk to you soon..let us do this slowly,tiny baby steps,one Q by one Q)

tAGS:mr_green, love, love_triangle, lust, romance, HATE, pain, memories, SADNESS, unrequited,

The Embrace

WARNING: SENSUAL MATERIAL/erotica
If you are below the age of 15, kindly refrain from reading further.
I wrote this in an email to someone on an emotionally charged thursday dated Feb 10,2011.
I have no idea, NO IDEA,what possessed me , TO WRITE SUCH AN INTIMATE DEEP letter to someone.Very raw,very true,very sensual.I wrote it coz i felt it.And when I feel things I HAVE THIS COMPULSION TO WRITE THEM OUT

If emails are WITNESS then yes, I did write this email to someone.
Whether that SOMEONE ever deserved even a miniscule second of my time and attention is a question that begs to be asked..but, hey!, I DOLED IT OUT , didn't I?

I wrote this poem to a man, who probably only knows how to love  his own needs .Someone who probably knows to emotionally love mmmm maybe men ? Men who left him for another country.Someone who can love  and share with any odd woman that comes his way and is a sure thing (any woman/multiple women would do,yeah? ).A man who thinks of love as some kind of obligation.Someone who thinks that love is an obligatory gesture towards someone who does something mundane for him in real life.

So, given how he is internally wired and Since I was ONLY this  nameless and faceless Internet dame,To him I was just another "entity", nothing TANGIBLE enough to amount to anything mundane and materialistic.

Either ways, I now feel that He was not worthy of this poem(though I actually  did write it to him really fully MEANING it then) because  the whole time we interacted, he was so reluctant and fearful of OWNING UP AND CELEBRATING THE "possible" love he felt for me though that very whole time  I somehow could sense that I MEANT A GREAT LOT OF A DEAL TO HIM IN A LOT OF WAYS judging from what special words(except the word love) he wrote for me .It is only later that I understand that HE JUST HAS NO VALUE FOR HIS OWN WORDS...his own words have no meaning for him.

Or maybe he never felt it(THE LOVE) because of which he never FELT OBLIGATED TO OWN IT UP
Whichever is the case, here we are at this blog entry, years down the line.

So,yeah,.PLEASE NOTE THAT THE POEM IS EXTREMELY RAW and SEXUAL(not gross or anything)..so,don't gasp at raw sentences when they come up as you read it ! K?

And also, please don't read it and THEN IF YOU ARE A CREEPY GUY, permit yourself to have amorous thoughts towards me.(please don't).

(To all the MR.U admirers who come to nose around in this blog..NO, I DIDN'T WRITE THIS POEM FOR MR.U.it was for mr.green)

Here goes the POEM,

THE EMBRACE
poem by Dr.A aka LECINQBLOG

You ask me what I would like to do to you in bed,
on the table,
in the lounge room,
outside at night ..
(The above passage, he had asked me in one of his letters to me. He asked me what I would do in each of those specific places-These sentences inside the brackets was NOT IN THE ORIGINAL EMAIL.It is to express the implied meaning)

Just minutes ago,
I saw someone that vaguely reminded me of you

And yet again,
..the bodily need,
the desires started all over again

xxxxxxxxxx(part of email omitted for the sake of poem continuity)
About the embrace

That bare breasted embrace,,
both of us shirtless,
while my breasts ;
touch your chest,
Gently,
like kisses;
and I lay my head on your shoulder.

Gentle summer evening,
Pleasant mellowing approaching night,
Twilight,
me and you in a soft gentle embrace.

I will never have you in reality,
This hurts..so much.
It hurts coz you want me so much too,
That is why it hurts all the more!
In that bare breasted embrace,
as you hold me like you would a young child,
caressing and protecting,
tightening your grip on me and loosening it,
the breeze from the balcony blows into the darkening living room,
the room that is slowly getting dark,
Yet, we haven't had the time to go switch on the lights in preparation for the night;
coz we are busy embracing each other.

On some days I want you so much.
I want your children knowing fully well  how UNFIT you are to be a father!
Yet  I want you inside of me,giving me my children from you.

UNREQUITED, UNREQUITED..everything so unrequited...

Why this obsession?
Mutual very much,this obsession.
When did we hook up like this mentally?
I want you to tell me how my breasts feel over your chest,
As they touch you I want you inside of me,
...slowly,,repeatedly..gently...like you own me..

Your shoulders work for me

At this point i am


weak

angry

sad

lost

depressed

i feel like i am letting my depression and anxiety run my life
 and
i feel like i have lost out on time..
i wasted three years here when i could have moved out of this ghetto hellhole of an apartment long ago..
I HATE  MY LANDLORD..
i hate the neighborhood,
i hate the locals..
i hate their attitude.
i hate this country.
.i hate it..
and
this hate causes me to be segregated fromn the locals.
.i hate interacting with them..
and thus
i spend enormous amount of energy avoiding to talk to them.
and yet.
.the fact that i plan so much on how to avoid talking to my neighbors or landlord..I WASTE TIME..i get even more depressed..

I HATE IT ALL

i need a shoulder i can lay my head on and feel strong..AND THAT SHOULDER IS YOURS..COZ YOUR WORDS WORK..you work for  me.
so,I WANT YOU TO BE THERE FOR ME.
i would so love to talk for five minutes over email each day where YOU CAN FILL ME UP WITH COURAGE AND I CAN FILL YOU UP WITH COURAGE..
coz,i know..how MY WORDS WORK FOR YOU TOO..
we are like lock and key on some level.
which is great..
KISS ME..HOLD ME..TELL ME YOU ARE THERE FOR ME.
i am going through an extreme crisis here..

catch 22

I try to push you away
and the moment i do that..
i go into panic mode..
catch 22 situation for me.
I need to be held.
it is a pity.
i have no one to hold me .
.that is all I want..
to just be held
and told that everything is going to be alright

Revisiting ghosts from the past

Just like scrooge from "A christmas Carol" -revisiting ghosts from the past!!

Dashed off an email to someone who I dearly wish I had never talked to to begin with.

okay..
I just lost my thread of thought.
.I need to go now..enough of this negative shit and blogging.

I can't take this email back.
.i sent it out and it is there for all to see...
I can't take it back..

even if probably it never reached them,
which I am hoping it miraculously never did ,
which btw could be a possibility had they blocked me already...


Speaking of blocking.
I tried blocking them last month on gmail.
sadly , gmail never allows you to block anyone...
much like how an unforgiving strict parent is ,
one who says, "You made your choice...so now you deal with the consequences" LOL..
hmmm

So,,all I can say is..
the best thing would be for them to never reply..
THAT WILL PUT AN END TO THE MESS BEFORE IT EVEN BEGINS..

meanwhile..
I must let go off my ego and forgive myself,
stop being hard on myself..
yes..i sent them an email..
yes i am a donkey like that..
but to err is human..
and i am a human.

.I AM NOT PERFECT..
THERE IS NO NEED TO be PERFECT..
MISTAKES ARE JUST FINE..


some part of me secretly wishes they reply.
.the curiosity factor to check on older ghosts from the past i guess..
but seriously..
.I WOULD BLESS MY STARS IF they DON'T REPLY EVER..EVER EVER..

The Rollercoaster

 The Roller-Coaster Ride
is a roller coaster  ride
it will after all the ups and downs
come back to the point where it started
with no end result.