ruin my time

you will say anything
and do anything
to tide a temporary crisis
and after those five minutes
nothing means anything to you
you move on so easily.
SO IT IS UP TO ME,
to protect myself,
be careful
and be careful about every single step i take and do,
coz, to me,
every small thing means something,
i take everything seriously
and i don't move on for YEARS.
i am getting older
and i have fewer years left to achieve anything.
I CAN'T LET YOU RUIN MY TIME.

feeding off of each other

DON'T YOU understand?
I seduced you with my words,
i seduced you with my love,
i seduced you while you were lonely
and wanting and yearning.

I tapped into your needs
to feed my own innate yearning needs
from yesteryears.

this is what they call FEEDING OFF EACH OTHER.

callous

you don't do that to someone you love.
you are able to do this to me ,
because you don't love me.

would you ever do that to g?
never?why ?
coz you love her.

with me?you are spontaneously so callous ,
because subconsciously you acknowledge,
that since you don't really really love me from the bottom of your heart,
YOU DONT OWE me that kind of arduous love ,
that i truly deserve to have,
for the diamond of a person that i am.

SO,STOP MAKING ME FEEL LIKE SHIT,
just coz you have nothing else to offer.GO AWAY!

a choice

exactly,
I KNOW that i am seducing you .
and I am aware that i AM DOING THAT..
which is why,
IT MAKES ME FEEL CHEAP
doing that to you.

because you are so vulnerable right now.

I WANT SOMEONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND to choose me,
I DON'T WANT SOMEone to think they are in love with me
because i am being nice to them while they are lonely and vulnerable.

i want you to be in YOUR RIGHT MIND ;
with all your many choices laid out in front of you;
and YET WANT TO CHOOSE ME ,
coz i am so right for you,
coz WE ARE SO RIGHT FOR EACH OTHER
and on that day,
I WILL SAY YES...

and also,
I MUST ;
INSPITE OF ALL MY CHOICES LAID OUT IN FRONT OF ME;
choose you ;
and if i do,
THEN THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME..

coz,
now after ten years,
IF I CHOOSE YOU,
after what you did,
THAT IS IN ITSELF AN EMOTIONAL COMPROMISE
and that explains the tears each day.

IT IS MY MIND TELLING ME THE TRUTH OF ALL THIS is not what i deserve
i deserve better and there is one lifetime to get what i deserve.

verbal seduction

I know i am seducing you with my words
and you are hopelessly falling in love with me.

I KNOW MY WORDS HAVE THAT POWER
which is also why i didnt want to use that power knowingly
coz it makes me feel guilty..
like i am a manipulator...
and i don't want to be a manipulator..
WHICH IS ALSO WHY,
i shall stop talking to you
and no more of those love filled deep impact words
i always have up my sleeve.,
.altleast, NONE FOR YOU ANYMORE.

upset

I am upset ,
don't you understand?
I am upset that someone else did this to you
and you let them play you like a puppet
coz you loved them so much.

I AM UPSET
that this little person had so much of power on you.

I am upset,
you loved someone else so much.

I AM VERY UPSET RIGHT NOW.
I AM HATING ALL THIS.

i am hating this knowledge of what happened these ten years.
i am hating it all.
I AM HATING THIS!