yada yada yada-blah blah blah AN UNREQUITED ELEMENT TO IT ALL

okay, so, well, I know I am raking up all my old wounds by attempting to write this mail, but, i have to do it.
After may 2010,we never really got an oppurtunity to INTERACT one on one, for long hours like we used to do in 2009.
2009,looks like eons ago and suddenly, I am in my thirties? and you are in your forties? gee

anyways,THERE IS AN UNREQUITED ELEMENT TO IT ALL.

I have no idea what you have told your wife about me or what you have told your twitter and facebook friends about me .I am sure you FREELY and guiltlessly used the word STALKER...(just to save your ass too,,,hmmm..sigh..people do that you know..say anything just to save
their ass)

So,yeah,anyways,irrespective of what you told anyone else,YOU of all people,KNOW,what happened between us back then...NO ONE ELSE NEEDS TO KNOW..but you know..right?

you know ,what you felt for me or feel for me, and you know why you did what.. yeah?

Even, I DON'T KNOW why and for what you did and said certain things.

Even, I DON'T KNOW if anything you told me in those emotionally mushy letters,some written to me at the end of drunken nights and some written in moments of utter honesty...WERE TRUE or not...

Maybe  those UTTERLY EMOTIONAL THINGS TO ME were written for the effect..because ,some porn website or askmen website tells you that THAT IS HOW YOU WORK UP A WOMAN to get her p**sy..(this is your vocabulary and your italians friends' vocabulary,not mine,just quoting,is all)

SO,YEAH,I DON'T KNOW WHAT WAS TRUE..

I know what I FELT,,I know what i wrote and when i wrote things to you and POSSIBLY have a vague idea as to why i felt the things i felt for you or still feel for you.

but,I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU FELT or feel. so....yeah,ONLY YOU KNOW..no one else.

From my point of view.
THIS IS WHAT I THINK I MEAN TO YOU.

I have had the biggest impact on you ,on your psyche,on the way you think or do things...
I KNOW THAT FOR SURE...FOR SURE..

ONLY,it just saddens me that WHEN A PERSON IMPACTS YOU THAT MUCH ,how come you throw them under the bus at the slightest assumption that she might out your connection with her and ruin a MEANINGLESS BUT TANGIBLE RELATIONSHIP that you had or still have with homever you are with now.

yeah?

IT BREAKS MY HEART, that i went out of my way to INTERACT WITH You AND quoting YOU from what you wrote in your letters to me, 'CHANGED you in so many ways" ,and after me going out of my way to heal and help you,YOU TURNED AROUND AND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE OF MY KINDNESS,just cause ,IN YOUR PARANOIA,you suspected that i was out to destroy your TANGILE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LADY YOU WERE ENGAGED TO OR LIVING WITH OR MARRIED TO ALREADY(WHICH I DIDN'T KNOW BTW)...

It saddens me ,THAT WHEN A GUY does that to me AND YEARS DOWN THE LINE,when I SEE AN ESSENSE OF ME in his life choices,and when i see an essense of my thoughts and my spirit and my ideas and my way of doing things, IN HIM,in his current life,I KNOW HOW MUCH I MEAN IN HIS HEAD,even to this day.

AND yet,sadly,YOU HAVE TO KEEP UP WITH THE LIES YOU TOLD EVERYONE ABOUT ME..yeah?

sadly,the one woman ,that impacted your life in many ways,IS SOMEONE,you can't even interact with on a regular basis because of that..yeah?

So many questions,suddenly come tumbling out of the pandora's box of pain that I HID AND BURIED...i open it just to take a peek and a world of pain suddenly grips..

THE PAIN just won't go away..
WHICH IS WHY,
we need to talk.
HUGS.
A
(talk to you soon..let us do this slowly,tiny baby steps,one Q by one Q)

tAGS:mr_green, love, love_triangle, lust, romance, HATE, pain, memories, SADNESS, unrequited,

One day

One day
I will find my man
An equal man
An equally intelligent man
An equally good looking man
An equally multitalented man
And it is not going to be mr.r
or mr.t
or mr.U
it is going to be someone else
with whom
I won't feel like I sold out for less
I won't feel like I am settling down for less
I will feel at home
as he teases me
intellectually
emotionally
sexually
and spritually
and I would tease him back and
When we have kids together
we will praise what we find in our kids
a little bit of each other.